My Poor Abandoned Blog

So...at the end of Italy, I lost the energy to blog. Plus, I had no computer, and I wasn't about to type up a chapter on my phone! Then in Greece, I was only on the computer one time at the end, but again, I didn't have enough time or energy to blog...same story for London, you get the picture. And of course, now that I'm back home, why would I blog on this? I'm no longer wandering around.

I am weird.

I have to say, I was/am sooooooooooooooo relieved to be back. It's so nice to be in the same bed and not have to live out of a bag.

It is strange that I'm back. It's nice because the trip has impacted me in a good way - I've been better about preparing food myself. However, I've also been going out to eat as well...since I've been back, I feel like I'm a food addict. I've been eating nonstop (or it feels like it at least), or thinking about food. :/ I guess I missed food or fell more in love with it. hmm...that's not the point.

It's strange (like I was saying) because when I see someone I haven't seen in weeks or months (so pretty much everyone), the first thing they ask me, and it's natural of course, is "How was your trip?" or "How was Europe?" ...........................................................................................................................................
How can I ever answer that question? That is an invitation to one of two things: either a response of "Gooooooood" or a half hour conversation that I'm not quite sure they have the time for. The thing is, I can't blame them/you (hehe). I've asked people that question before, and I've had it asked of me before. I want to give the perfect, eloquent, organized response, but the truth is, there is no such thing for me. Asking me how was my trip is asking me how was my last five weeks (well, second to last five). And asking me how was europe is asking me how were those five countries (ten cities or so)....I have no idea what aspect of the country to even focus on! I feel like I need to prepare some essays before approaching friends or acquaintances. :/ And since it's asked so often of me, i feel like I'm just repeating myself if I get into it. I feel bad! I should be eager to talk about all the stories, memories, weird stuff, etc....but ...I've already forgotten them. I've journaled them, most of them, but...you know, some of it happened a month ago.

And since I'm not all excited to share every bit of what happened, it comes off in a negative way. Like I didn't enjoy it or appreciate it. But I did! I did the best I could to appreciate it, and I really cherish those memories. The thing is, I'm just naturally introverted and solitary so it can be really difficult for me to express myself to other people. For some reason, I end up almost hiding things indirectly. I'm a really private person. :/

I suppose someone asking me those broad questions is the same as me asking someone else "How was your week?" - It's often not a smart idea to ask such a general question. Where does one start to explain their past seven days? It's such a church thing to do, and sometimes people are very good at responding. They focus on one major aspect of their week and explain why it stood out (usually college age). However, that's not usually the case with middle or high schoolers. It's super hard to connect with youth on Sundays.

I need to work on those youth leader skills. This past Sunday was really discouraging for me since there were so many students and so little help. Everything worked out, but it was incredibly overwhelming since I've been gone for over a month and .... I have a problem. I've been so unenthusiastic for the past year or two. And I can't be like that if I'm working with youth! I'm supposed to be really excited and personable, but I just can't seem to be. I'm still praying about where God wants me and what He wants to do with me, but it's just hard. Sometimes I have no idea where my heart is.